Saturday, May 21, 2011

Problem: No Solution

I am not being creative. I don't know how this happened but I feel I've lost my ability to be creative. Blah, blah, blah. Don't all artists complain about the waxing and waning of their craft? Isn't it a part of the process? No. It's not. I don't even think I deserve to call myself a writer anymore. My definition of a writer is someone whose daily activities, always entail writing. I mean even thinking about writing, seeing something you may want to write and making a mental note to do that later. It's what separates the writers from the non-writers (you know the type: I-went-to-a-slam-poetry-performance or bought-a-nikki-giovanni-collection-of-poetry-and-now-I-think-I'm-a-poet).
God, am I one of those posers now? I mean, since I'm not writing religiously anymore, what's to distinguish me? I sometimes find myself on other performance poets blogs and I note that they don't update their blogs constantly, but that's not to say that they don't incorporate writing somewhere else in their lives, after all blogs now a days are more selective and specific (thankfully) rather than stream-of-consciousness diary blurbs, (which are helpful for downloading ideas for what to write about yes, but ultimately isn't necessarily something everybody cares or wants to read. And again, here I am judging when I might be doing the same thing by composing this. You see what I mean? What has become of me? Instead of being open, I've become hypercritical to the point of annoying, especially towards myself. I've written a few things, most of which suck so I haven't published them and I've even tried to revisit some of my old poems hoping to see if there's anything I can revamp, but nothing.
I'm amidst a circle of non-writers, and it's extremely hard to judge my work or progress (or lack thereof) based on my own critical assessments. If there's anyone here who writes, perhaps they're closeted. Like my creative writing.

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